It's ok to feel this way, as long as you avoid letting your anger grow over time. Try to separate the person from the hurtful act. This is not to say that you shouldn't create boundaries or acknowledge lessons learned as a result of the hurt.
If the anger you feel is directed towards the loss you've suffered, then yes, you can absolutely forgive and still be angry. On the other hand, if you direct your anger toward your offender, then, no, you cannot forgive and still remain angry.
“It is an active process in which you make a conscious decision to let go of negative feelings whether the person deserves it or not,” Swartz says. As you release the anger, resentment and hostility, you begin to feel empathy, compassion and sometimes even affection for the person who wronged you.
In particular, the tendency to express forgiveness may lead offenders to feel free to offend again by removing unwanted consequences for their behavior (e.g., anger, criticism, rejection, loneliness) that would otherwise discourage reoffending.
How to Forgive Someone Who Has Hurt You Deeply (Christian/Bible/Forgiveness)
Is forgiveness a permanent attitude?
One cannot forgive four hundred and ninety times without it becoming a part of the habit structure of one's being. Forgiveness is not an occasional act; it is a permanent attitude.
Difficulties with self-forgiveness are linked with suicide attempts, eating disorders, and alcohol abuse, among other problems. But self-forgiveness has a dark side. Research suggests that while it can relieve unpleasant feelings like guilt and shame, it can also reduce empathy for others and motivation to make amends.
Toxic forgiveness forces people to deny or downplay their genuine emotions, creating a disconnect between their inner reality and outward behavior. This dissonance can lead to feelings of inauthenticity and internal conflict, undermining overall well-being.
Often the hardest person to forgive is yourself. You are so hurt, yet you realize that you are the one to blame. You are the one who did it to yourself. And so you want to make yourself hurt.
“Given these competing possibilities for revenge, we hypothesized that revenge would be less rehumanizing than forgiveness. And we found support for this prediction across five studies.” The research also highlights other benefits of forgiveness, such as: Feeling a stronger sense of belonging to a human community.
In reality, anger and forgiveness work together (and often at the same time) in any real healing process. Though anger and forgiveness may seem to be opposing forces, they are actually completely equal partners in the journey toward healing.
People often confuse forgiveness with reconciliation, as if they were the same thing. They aren't. Reconciliation is the final step in the forgiveness process, but it is the “cherry on top”—an extra bonus when and if it occurs.
Not forgiving the person who wronged you is the essence of holding a grudge. If you forgive, you may be able to let go of your grudge and start to move on with your life. Of course, that's easier said than done. Forgiving doesn't mean you forget what happened, or that you've decided it wasn't actually that bad.
Why am I still upset after an apology? Feeling upset even after receiving an apology is common and understandable. An apology doesn't erase the hurt or the impact of the actions that led to it. Your emotions are valid, and it's important to acknowledge and address them.
Forgiveness is no longer wanting to punish those who hurt us. It is understanding that the anger and hatred that we feel toward them hurts us far more than it hurts them. It is seeing how we hide ourselves in our anger and how those feelings prevent us from healing.
When you agree to forgive someone just because you feel like you should, it's harmful to your mental health and relationships. “You're causing pain to yourself and holding onto feelings you have not come to terms with yet,” Brognano says.
While there are psychological benefits to forgiveness, you don't have to forgive someone who has hurt you. There are times when it's fine to not forgive someone. It's also important to understand what it means to forgive someone as well as what forgiveness is not.
According to Matthew 6:14-15, a person who doesn't forgive others will not be forgiven by God. In the verses, Jesus states: "For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."
But I have felt that the ultimate form of love for God and men is forgiveness. He met the test. What of us? Perhaps we shall not be called upon to give our lives for our friends or our faith (though perhaps some shall), but it is certain that every one of us has and will have occasion to confront the other challenge.
Yes, it is entirely possible to forgive someone while still feeling angry and hurt about what they did. Forgiveness is often a complex process that involves letting go of resentment and the desire for revenge, but it doesn't necessarily mean that all feelings of pain and anger will disappear immediately.
Narcissists also struggle to forgive, instead seeking vengeance on the transgressor, or perhaps just avoiding them. But a recent study published in Personality and Individual Differences suggests that, when it comes to forgiveness, not all narcissists are a lost cause.
Forgiveness involves a kind attitude—abandoning all animosity and hatred. All bitterness, anger, wrath, clamor and evil speaking should be put away (Eph. 4:31). We can hold no grudges.
Even though we are free of the penalty of sin, there are natural consequences for sin. If you kill an innocent person, God will forgive you, and you are going to jail. If you steal and get caught, God forgives, but again the consequences for your sin will be on you and perhaps others. God determines consequences.
What are the characteristics of an unforgiving person?
Unforgiveness is a state of emotional and mental distress that results from a delayed response in forgiving an offender. It is characterized by indignation, bitterness, and a demand for punishment or restitution.
